Saturday, May 7, 2011

My Journey to Motherhood

From the time I was a little girl, my main purpose in life I felt was to be a mommy. Other kids my age wanted to be doctors and lawyers and I just wanted to have someone call me "momma". I was the girl playing with baby dolls until I became way too old for playing with baby dolls and then it was real babies that I was baby sitting. Working in the nursery at church, being a nanny for a lady who had 7 kids (two of which were twin boys), helping another mom of twins with housework, teaching preschool where I had twin boys in my classroom. Are you seeing a pattern here? I truly believe God never gives you more than you can handle and he prepares you for every season of your life. After investing my time in so many other kids lives on December 26, 2009, God blessed me twice and gave me two sweet baby boys of my own.

While I love being a mother it differs a lot from the picture I had in my head of motherhood many years ago. I thought I would find out I was pregnant and tell my husband by wrapping up a little onesie and my pregnancy would be so glamorous and I would have a cute little belly. We would go to the 20 week ultrasound and the tech would say "It's a boy" or "It's a girl". My water would break and I would say "Honey. it is time" and we would rush to the hospital and a couple hours later I would miraculously have a baby laying on my chest with tears of joy streaming down my cheek. We would have lots of anxious visitors come ohhh and awww over the new addition and we would all the  leave the hospital at the same time in a wheelchair with a nurse strolling us down to the car. After all that is how it happens in the movies right?!?!

But what no one tells you is that you might find out you are pregnant by puking in a trash can in your classroom where you are cleaning up getting ready to leave for the day (but are very thankful that all the other teachers and students aren't there). Your husband will find out because you call to tell him you can't stop throwing up and he will ask "do you think you are pregnant?" and you will continue to throw up for several more months. You will go to your ultrasound and the tech will say "It's a boy" and when you ask what the round thing at the bottom of the screen is and she says "oh my. it's another baby..another boy". You will wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and not be able to breathe because you are worried about all the bad things you have read can happen with twins. You will gain 60 pounds and look ginormous.  You will go into labor in best buy and continue to purchase a video camera and then you will calmly tell your husband " I think I am in labor". You will have a c-section and when both babies come out and you hear their cries you will feel a sigh of relief but it doesn't last long because those babies will not be placed on your chest like you imagined and those cries will become faint as they are whisked away to the NICU and you will not be able to hold them until 12 hours later. When visitors come to see you, you have to show them pictures off a digital camera or let them admire them through the nursery window.  As it is time for you to be discharged you will not be jumping with joy, you will be stalling and begging them to let you stay one more night because you don't want to leave your babies at the hospital. Nope no one tells you these things.

But what they also don't tell you is that you would go through all that morning sickness, all of the worries, all of the tears and pain again because those babies will bring you more joy than you could ever dream of and more love than you can imagine . More than any hollywood movie could ever portray.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

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